Otten: How much can one person be expected to forgive?

Greetings from Faith Lutheran Church in Eldorado.

Last week, the gospel reading was from Matthew 18:21-35. The text tells of Peter asking, "How many times was a person to forgive?" Peter thought seven times was pretty good, but Jesus surprises all with the number 77 and then tells a parable on a servant who was forgiven of great debt only to turn around and refuse to forgive a small debt. So, let's talk about forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a powerful healing gift that cleanses the whole world and restores the individual in and through God's only Son, Jesus. It is at the heart of the Christian message.

Forgiveness is demonstrated in Jesus's life, death and resurrection. By His actions, we have joy in our hearts and the ability to extend the same love to others. Think of Jesus forgiving those who crucified Him.

Forgiveness restores broken relationships. I don't believe that a marriage relationship can exist unless one practices forgiveness.

Forgiveness sets one free of guilt. No more compensating or medicating one's guilt, which can create anxiety, affect your sleep, and may lead to despair and suicide. Forgiveness lifts the ball and chain, for "if the Son has set you free, you are free indeed." (John 8:36)

Forgiveness allows us to stop hurting others because we have been hurt.

Forgivness means wholeness and harmony are restored, and peace prevails in our lives and church. The church should be known as a forgiving place. It is sad that many see the church as a place where people fight over what appears to be petty.

This is what forgiveness is not:

A position of weakness. Forgiveness does not make you a loser. It is not a compromise or giving in to the other person. In forgiving, it places you In God's corner.

Forgiveness does not invalidate the pain. You were hurt. Forgiveness gives you permission to express how badly you do hurt, but it ends in forgiving those who hurt you.

Forgiveness is not a tool of manipulation. Know the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation.

If you are in a dangerous relationship, you can offer forgiveness, but get out. Do not re-enter a relationship with someone who hurts you. Do not give into the statement, "If you really forgave me, then you will let me come home," or a similar statement. Forgiveness means you will not hold grudges; you will maintain peace with the other. Reconciliation means there is a restoration of positions and responsibilities.

Bring in a third party who is a professional counselor to help with any reconciliation. Many times, an abused person is blind of the danger. There can be reconciliation, but there is more to it than forgiveness.

Forgiveness is not easy. Our pride and ego want a different solution. Satan and the world tells us it's too difficult to forgive. That is why we look to Jesus who, on the cross, forgave us, and we ask the spirit's aid in forgiving.