Are you ready to rumble?
In a dimly-lit building a few blocks south of downtown Harrisburg, Mike Gauch mounts the wooden steps to the wrestling ring. He expertly parts the chains wrapped tightly in duct tape that serve as ring ropes, and climbs inside - wincing almost imperceptibly.
Two days of jumps, body slams and more practice with real wrestlers on Sunday and Monday have taken a toll on the Harrisburg Unit 3 superintendent.
On Tuesday, "I couldn't walk," he admits.
On Saturday, the ring will be reassembled in the brightly lit Harrisburg High School gym. Gauch, Harrisburg's "Singing Superintendent," will don his one-piece Elvis jumpsuit, wig and sunglasses, and make a triumphant entrance for the hundreds of cheering wrestling fans.
It's a night of professional wrestling, put on by USA Championship Wrestling, from Nashville, Tennessee. USA and its stable of pros - including legends Jimmy Hart, the "Mouth of the South" and the Honky Tonk Man, Roy Wayne Farris - hold wrestling fundraisers and split the gate 50/50 with the host school.
Gauch's bottom line is to raise money for classroom school supplies, which have all but been eliminated from the Unit 3 budget. He's hoping to be able to give each Harrisburg school around $1,500 to spend on supplies.
Local sponsors have come up big, paying for the big-name wrestling talent to appear in Harrisburg. Other sponsors bought blocks of general admission tickets and then gave them back to the schools, so building principals can hand them out to the students least able to buy tickets.
"It speaks volumes, it's a real testimonial to our community," Gauch said Wednesday.
General admission tickets are $10 for a seat in the bleachers; ringside seats (3rd and 4th rows) are $15 but sold out. VIP tickets are $25 and guarantee the holder a meet and greet with the pro wrestlers, including autographs and photos, and a seat in the first or second row.
For tickets, call (618) 253-7637. General admission tickets also will be available at the door Saturday night.
"We have 268 floor seats; they are almost all gone," Gauch said. Right now, there are 400 bleacher tickets available, but there is room for more.
Gauch grew up a wrestling fan, and says his 20-minute or so tag team match features some of his favorite wrestlers of all time. USA sent two wrestlers up to Harrisburg for the practice sessions this week, so Gauch could learn the moves and the script - which, he warns, could change on a dime Saturday night - and get a "feel" for the sport.
Inside the ring on Wednesday, Gauch was nimble, but a little sore. "Neck, arms, back, legs," he rattled off, when asked what body parts hurt. "This is not soft," he added, bouncing on the mat which resembles concrete when smacked with a palm.
Gauch hinted that there might even be a sing-off Saturday night, as several of the wrestling pros have genuinely good voices. Gauch's own voice is legendary in Harrisburg for the singing school cancellation notices he records in stormy winter weather.
"I can't sing, I'm horrible," he protests. But a few winters ago he decided to jazz up the standard cancellation telephone alert by writing his own lyrics to Adele's "Hello," and recorded it a cappella. The next year, his spoof of Bruno Mars' "Uptown Funk," went viral, with 4 million Facebook likes.
Last year's takeoff on a Florida Georgia Line song got the attention of the band's road manager, who gave Gauch's family tickets for a Michigan concert.
This winter, Gauch is going old school. Sung to the Dean Martin classic, "That's Amore," if you are on the alert list, you'll hear:
"When the snow gets too high,
And you've got too much ice,
That's a snow day."
Of course, that's presuming he survives Saturday night.
If you go
<ul>
<li>What: USA Professional Wrestling fundraiser, live</li>
<li>Where: Davenport Gym, Harrisburg High School, 33 W. College, Harrisburg.</li>
<li>When: Saturday, Oct. 15</li>
<li>Time: Doors open at 6:30 p.m.; first match at 7:30 p.m. For VIP ticket holders, doors open at 6 p.m. for meet and greet with the wrestlers.</li>
<li>Tickets: $10-$25.</li>
<li>For information & tickets: (618) 253-7637</li>
</ul>