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Submit your best joke, win Lenny Clarke tickets

So you think you can tell a joke?

Then you're up next. It's showtime. You're on. No pressure, it's just Lenny Clarke who's coming to town. C'mon, what ya got, hotshot?

Keep it clean though, please. Well ... clean enough. This is Lenny Clarke we're talking about, after all.

Clarke, a comedian, actor and cast member of the FX show "Rescue Me," will be in town Saturday, Sept. 12, for "An Evening with Lenny Clarke," a fundraiser for the Fall River Holiday Fund. He'll be joined by comedian Greg Murphy at 7 p.m. at Diman Regional Vocational Technical High School.

Tickets are $30 for general admission and $60 for the VIP reception after the show. For tickets, contact Fall River City Clerk Carol Valcourt at 508-324-2219 or cavalcourt@fallriverma.org, or Public Works Director Ken Pacheco at 508-324-2585 or kpacheco@fallriverma.org.

Organizers are asking attendees to bring a small unwrapped toy for children age 1 to 10.

The Fall River Holiday Fund makes possible the city's Christmas parade, which is now in its 25th year. The fund has always relied on private donations, and last year the parade was in danger of being cancelled until organizers appealed to Mayor Robert Correia's office and city businesses for help a few weeks before the parade. A fundraiser for the 2009 parade was held last month at Government Center, a Christmas in July event with a Caribbean and Christmas theme.

About 400 toys were donated during that event, Pacheco said. The fund hopes to collect 1,000 toys for the holiday season, and $100,000 for the parade.

The Herald News is giving away two tickets to the Lenny Clarke show - a $60 value. But they're not going to go to just anyone.

To determine who gets them, we're conducting a joke contest. The funniest joke, as determined by online voting, wins the tickets.

Here's how it works:

- Submit your joke to us by Tuesday, Sept. 8 at noon.

- You can submit it by leaving an online comment on this story at heraldnews.com, or by e-mailing it to santa@heraldnews.com. (Online comment submissions accepted only from 8 a.m. to 10 p.m., weekdays.)

- Make sure the e-mail address you use is an active one, as that's how we will contact the winner.

- We'll pick our favorite jokes (bonus points for originality and Fall River-ness!) and post them online Tuesday, Sept. 8 by 5 p.m. on our Home Page for voting. The online polls will remain open until Thursday, Sept. 10 at 5 p.m.

- The highest-rated joke wins. The winner will be announced in the Herald News on Sept. 11 and will be notified via e-mail.

Better hurry! Lenny Clarke is walking into the bar ...

Herald News