Bob Sneller: Thoughts on turning 79

Tuesday was my 79th birthday and boy, did my friends and relatives ever regale me with all sorts of birthday and "old age" humor.

My good friend Miles Bottomfield even sang "Happy Birthday" on my phone answering service. At first, I thought it was an obscene phone call, but it was just Miles singing. It was a terrible way to wake up, but I appreciated his effort.

I'm stunned that I am only a year away from joining the ranks of the Eighties Club. I would really rather not be an octogenarian. If I had a choice in the matter, I'd rather be a Rotarian, or even a Presbyterian.

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Let me share with you some more of the thoughts about reaching the age of 79:

- Just think. You may be older than you have ever been before, but you are also YOUNGER than you will ever be again! (That one was really consoling.)

- I am not really slow, and I'm certainly not fast. What I am is half-fast.

- You know you are old when your back goes out more than YOU do.

- Old age is when you have bad hair decades.

One of the ADVANTAGES of getting old is that others may mistake your:

- Lack of energy for newly-acquired patience.

- After all, it's not a CRIME to be 79. A pity, maybe, but not a crime.

- The years in your life are not as important as the life in your years!

- It's OK to mellow; it's not OK to rot.

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- Teenage girls use cosmetics to make themselves look OLDER SOONER, but their mothers use cosmetics to make themselves look YOUNGER LONGER.

- I am so old that I can remember when families went for Sunday afternoon drives….in the SAME car!

- I notice that newspapers and magazines are all using much smaller print these days.

- By the time you can read your woman like a book, your library card has expired.

- Wrinkles are there in the nick of Time.

- When you are 20, you don't worry about what others are thinking about you. When you are 30 to 60, you worry about what others are thinking about you.

- When you are 70, you realize they don't think of you at all.

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- No one is so old but what they think they can make it one more year.

- At age 18, I wanted to save the world; now I'd just like to save $18.

- No one is old who is still laughing, seeking, and learning.

- He who laughs, lasts.

- I am so old that I can remember when if people couldn't afford something, they simply did without it. (Before credit cards).

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Folks, I don't really feel 79 today. In fact, I don't feel anything at all.

It must be time for my nap. Thanks for reading.

Neosho Daily News