Relish the moment with these delicious recipes

A friend visits from England. Take him out for an "American" breakfast.

"Where is the relish?" he says as the scrambled eggs arrive.

You're thinking, "Uh-oh."

The waitress returns with a plastic packet of green-neon colored pickle slush. Needless to say, John Dowdy is under-relished.

For some odd quirk of cuisine, Americans have missed the relish revolution.

If you do any traveling, including Canada and Mexico, you'll wonder where the relish is here at home. At least salsa has made the crossover, but little else.

John insists your average English eatery offers at least one relish choice for every meat entrée. He said France is even better relished.

Here, you could go to the finest steakhouse in town and better take your own horseradish relish.

Why is this? It's not because we don't love relish. The few places that shun Heinz and make their own are renowned for exactly that. Maybe the answer is that we, unlike Brits, do not demand it. We cannot think beyond the sweet chopped pickle of our youth.

If you want really fine relish, you'll need to make your own. We've been doing that at our house for 20 years. We have a lot of friends depending on us, or rather, our relish. My wife, Kathleen, and I give more relish at Christmas than candy canes.

So let's take a little relish trip. The recipes are simple. All you need is a little effort and you, too, can be a relish king.

First, a word

Say the word "relish" and instantly your taste buds go into feed-me attention. Still, in our language, relish is not necessarily something to smother a hot dog. You can relish (the verb) without any relish (the noun).

Example: The recent headline "Obama relishes attacks on McCain." John's in a pickle?

Relish in most other countries means a condiment, period. That selectivity gives it greater stature. It indicates a worshipful attitude towards this noble glob of chopped green something.

Jack's big secret

Jack Kennedy should get a job with the CIA teaching spies how to keep a secret. His price for divulging his homemade relish recipe: "I would take a million for it." It's worth it.

Kennedy BBQ in Canton, Ohio, is a relish fanatic's Mecca.

Ninety percent of his customers order "with Jack's relish." Folks often leave with extra relish. A half pint is $2.50, a quart $10.

Waitress Jennifer Jacobs says only Jack makes the relish. "We're asked all the time for the recipe, but none of us know it. I think it has cabbage in it," she hints.

Kennedy's relish is more famous than his barbecue, which is quite good, by the way. It's not pickle relish. It's not even sweet. It has a touch of heat.

If you were to eat a spoonful of it, you'd turn up your nose and say "bitter." But generously slathered on his barbecued pork or ham, it's one of the best things around.

Secrecy breeds pirated recipes. I cannot believe my mother was part of this conspiracy. Deep in her recipe box, I found "Kennedy BBQ Relish." It's a stab at Jack's big secret, but he'd say "not even close."

Contact Jim Hillibish at jim.hillibish@cantonrep.com.

NOT QUITE KENNEDY RELISH

2 cups cabbage, finely grated

1 cup green pepper, finely grated

1 teaspoon celery seed

1/2 teaspoon mustard seed

1 tablespoon sugar

1/2 teaspoon salt

Mix with wooden spoon in a non-metallic bowl. Allow to mellow at least three hours in the refrigerator. Freezes well.

RELISH ACROSS THE POND

When John got back to England, he e-mailed me his favorite English relish recipe, "perfect for all red meat including venison," he insists.

This is sinus-clearing stuff. John believes it was designed during the era when English ate imported, unrefrigerated beef just this side of rancid.

PATUM PEPERIUM

(aka Gentlemen's Relish)

3 anchovies, drained & coarsely chopped

Generous dash of hot-pepper sauce

3 tablespoons breadcrumbs, freshly grated

1 teaspoon butter

1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper

1 dash ground cinnamon

1 dash freshly ground nutmeg

1 dash ground mace

1 dash ground ginger

1 good twist ground black pepper

Mix the anchovies and butter with a fork to form a paste. Stir in remaining ingredients. Refrigerate to allow flavors to meld. Serve in small dish beside each plate.

FRANCO RELISHIQUE

Nothing goes to waste in France; it all goes to waist. At the end of each harvest, they have green tomatoes just like us. They convert them into an excellent relish good on anything from beefsteak to grilled snapper.

CHOW-CHOW DE CHOW-CHOW

4 cups cabbage, white part, grated

1 large bell pepper, minced

1 hot pepper, seeded and minced

6 medium green peppers, diced

1 cup sugar

1 cup vinegar

1 teaspoon allspice

1 teaspoon Dijon mustard

One quarter cup salt

Soak vegetables overnight in two quarts of water with the salt. Drain and rinse in a colander. Mix remaining ingredients and pour over vegetables. Cook for 30 minutes. Keep in refrigerator.

RELISHING THE HOMEFRONT

My wife and I started making this in 1985 to deal with our excessive cucumber harvest. The original, in the 1982 Ball "Blue Book," calls for more sugar and a variety of onions and peppers. We reduced it to only cucumbers and less sugar. People like it, and demand more.

KATHLEEN'S CUKE RELISH

4 cups cucumbers, shredded in food processor, fine disk

1/4 cup kosher salt

2 1/2 cups sugar

2 cups cider vinegar

1 tablespoon celery seed

1 tablespoon mustard seed

Sprinkle cucumbers with salt. Cover with water for two hours. Drain in colander and press to force out liquid. Combine and boil remaining ingredients, add cucumber and simmer for 10 minutes. Pack into sterilized, hot, half-pint canning jars and cap. Process 10 minutes in boiling water bath. Yield: About 8 half-pints

NEW YORK WADES IN

Some New Yorkers of Central European descent will tell you they only eat at delis offering beet relish. Keep this recipe handy if you have any friends from Albania.

DELI RED BEET RELISH

2 cups red beets, cooked and shredded in processor

2 tablespoons chopped red onion

2 tablespoons red wine vinegar

1 teaspoon sugar

2 tablespoon brown deli mustard

3 tablespoons olive oil

Salt and pepper to taste

Blend ingredients in nonmetallic bowl. Refrigerate overnight. Keeps up to 10 days refrigerated. Yield: 2 cups

DO AS THE GERMANS DO

There are folks of German ancestry among us who cannot eat a ham sandwich without sauerkraut relish. And then there's the Reuben. A friend provides this recipe, which he insists was a local bar favorite in the 1940s.

SAUERKRAUT RELISH

1 26-ounce can sauerkraut

2 cups celery, diced

1/2 cup green peppers, chopped

1/2 cup onion, diced

1/2 cup cider vinegar

1 cup sugar

3 cups boiling water

1/2 cup vegetable oil

Boil sauerkraut in its juice for 15 minutes. Drain and cool. Chop kraut and add celery and green pepper. Boil vinegar, oil and sugar for 10 minutes. Cool and pour over vegetables. Refrigerate 24 hours.

AND ONE WEIRDO

In the South, they constantly are searching for new ways to cook with a favored gourmet beverage, Kool-Aid. Without further adieu, here's a real pucker of a relish:

THIS IS SICK RELISH

1 46-ounce jar whole dill pickles

1 cup sugar

2 cups water

2 envelopes cherry Kool-Aid

Dice pickles. Mix sugar and Kool-Aid in water and combine with pickles. Cover and refrigerate overnight. Then drain in a colander and repack in a glass jar.